Never to blame

At the age of 3, I remember my parents decided to separate, after trying to rekindle their love for each other and giving their relationship a second chance. It was around midnight when I heard the front door slam, and the car start. And that was it. My parents had separated.

I never got a choice about who I stayed with, it just so happened it was my mum. My mum became lonely, and slipped into depression, and I would often hear her crying. She was a bad mum; she couldn't provide for me on her own; she was alone. Of course, none of that was true, and I had everything I could have wished for growing up, but that doesn't mean it was easy.

My dad moved away and found a new partner. When I was about 6, I refused to go to his house (I still saw him, but only for a day) because I was scared of not being accepted by his new family. It took me 3 years to pluck up the courage to go and visit his house. Even now I do not feel entirely comfortable, and I sometimes think of my dad more as the close uncle than my dad.

I often blame myself for the deterioration of their relationship. I remember being told 'we were too close as friends to be in a relationship ' (yes, I am a child of people who overcame the friendzone) and I always felt guilty for that.

This isn't a pity me speech, it's a lesson to everyone.

To parents: never make your child choose. To my fellow voices in the middle: your parents are your parents no matter what, and they will love you no matter what.

You are never to blame for their separation.

Ensure your voice is heard, keep your head up and remember you'll get through it.

Photo: Matt Brown. Creative Commons.