Talking with my parents
If at all possible, try to talk with your parents about how you are feeling. It can be complicated and difficult but it is worth trying.
Other young people, who have been through what you are now facing, advise talking to your parents if you can. Think about sharing your thoughts with them. For example:
- How you are feeling
- What’s important to you in your situation
- How they can help you.
You might think your parents know how you feel. But, unless you actually tell them, you cannot be sure.
Talk to your parents. This was one of the hardest things for me. But they aren’t going to know if something is bothering you if you don’t tell them
What can I do?
Talking to parents can be hard. They may be suffering hurt, sadness, anger or worry about the separation. They will also probably be extremely worried about you.
Although they are your parents, they are only human. Deep down, they know they make mistakes. So try to stay calm when you talk to them.
Sometimes, one parent may try to draw you into their argument with the other parent or talk about the other parent in a bad way. That’s not fair on you.
Parents may unknowingly pressure you to take their side. A way of coping with this is to try and explain that you love them both and want to be kept out of their issues. As adults, they shouldn’t bring you into arguments. It isn’t good for you mentally, and it can cause distress and anxiety
If you think this is happening, ask your parents to stop.
This is how Jade, 17, puts the message to parents, on behalf of all young people in the middle: “The breakup is between you and your partner. What is forgotten is that the child still sees you both the same way. No matter what you think of the other, please don’t influence your child to think the same way you do about the other parent. Try to put your differences aside and support their decisions for their sake.”
Sometimes, talking to your parents feels just too painful. Or they are in such a mess over the separation, that it seems impossible. If that is the case, try to find someone else to talk to. Our article Who will listen? has suggestions of people you may be able to share your voice with.
And remember, time can heal. You may not be able to talk to your parents now but, after time, the chances are it will get easier.
Where Can I Find Help?
- If you need someone to talk with and would like support from our partners, The Mix, use this tool to find more content, a freephone helpline, online forums, apps and more: open tool.
- Use our Share Your Story tool to write down your thoughts and read about others feeling the same.
- If you feel that you want to end your life, please seek immediate help from the emergency services on 999. You can also contact HopeLine UK on 0800 068 41 41 or Samaritans on 116 123. If you are being abused you can contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 or Samaritans on 116 123.